SALE!!!!! HOLIDAY SAAAAALE!!!!!

Ugh, one of my personal secrets is post-holiday SALE shopping. I absolutely CANNOT REFUSE a good sale. Mostly for regular items that I don't want to pay full price to have. Basically every holiday that involves buying crap will have all of that needed crap RIDICULOUSLY MARKED DOWN juuuuuuust after the holiday.

Online Profiles

One of the main ways that gay guys meet each other is the Internet. Either actual websites or phone apps. I may be drawing the curtain back a little here but I know that straight people have their own online thing happening, I often wonder if it is the same as gay online dating.

What would you do???

In one day, just one silly day, I found myself locked into "What would you do" situations a few times.  I have been editing this post for a full week and can't remember all of them, but here is the good one.

It is Chrimmus Times so what sounds like a really good idea? SHOPPING!!! But first, let us eat!!

BLOND MOMENT

Uhhh I had a serious dumb blond moment. So my headlights have been super dim lately, like I can't even really tell when they are on. I didn't think I could see them on the road but then I was having some self-doubt (have they always been this dim and I just didn't notice?), and comparing with other cars. I have been meaning to really check it out and maybe replace them. I was getting mad thinking they had to be replaced because they are some weird reflecto super bulb that I'm sure costs a couple hundred dollars to replace. Last night I FINALLY got my filthy car washed (THANKS A LOT CLEON) and I turned on my headlights and was almost blinded. Uhhh my lights were fine, just dirty as hell for the past coupla weeks. Also, I hope the title of this post isn't racist against blonds. Or blondes. Yes, there is a difference. 

F O O D

This post probably isn't going to be what you thought it would be when you read that title. If you are following me, you should probably get used to that. I make some weird ass associations. I feel like I am giving away all my secrets here lol.

Food. Like a LOT of people, I have a fucked up relationship with food. I am also slightly really type A. This combination tends to get me in trouble, or at least makes me appear to be a fucked up weirdo to others. When I make a decision on what I want to eat, and order it in a specific fashion, and my food is unavailable or messed up I have to shut the situation down. Usually, it makes me lose my appetite and cancel all of the food.

Holidays - Bah Humgay

Anyone who knows me can attest that I am not a big holiday person. I don't know if I was Amish or Jehovah's Witness in a former life, or if I have some genetic flaw but I am just not attached to holidays. Last year, I didn't even do anything for my birthday. Like nothing. At all. And I was perfectly happy! But this bothers a great many people. They don't fathom NOT LOVING holidays. Here's how the conversaton usually goes:

Mutant Powers Manifested

FINALLY!! I have been waiting all of my LIFE for my mutant superpowers to manifest. And it happened. Well, sorta. I mean it isn't the typical power that most people think of... It isn't even one of the top 5 probably. To be honest, before it happened to me, I had no idea that this was even a power that existed. I have discovered that I have the ability to grow shoulder hair. Like, even if you tweeze each one out, the next day there is a little forest there. On my shoulder. Of my arm. On the outside where everyone can see if I am wearing something sleeveless. Shoulder hair. It's a thing. Or so I am telling myself. I could've really used a better mutation. Like telepathy. Or teleportation. Or telekinesis. Basically any power that starts with "tele-". That's the power I want. Ugh. 

Standalone house = Scary as Fk

OMG!!!!! Ok so thanks to #CleonLife , I stayed at Brad's house after our (failed) Christmas movie night. Which included neither Elf nor A Christmas Story and was a complete failure. Except that it got me out of the house and into Snowmageddon. Oh, and I was able to hang out with my treasured friends.

Afterwards we go back to Brad's house. Brad, until a coupla mos ago, was my roommate. He rented the extra room in my house until he bought his own house. I live in the hood (on a street with a black girl name) and Brad bought a house in a different hood, also with a black girl street name, so I feel like it should be pretty much the same feeling (read: Level Of OhShit Scariness) whilst inside during the crazy dark and scary snowpocalypse. Here is where I discovered that they are not the same. My hood house is a nice tidy Craftsman-style townhouse in a row of 8 townhomes, mine being 5 of 8 so I am right up snuggled in the middle. Brad bought a loverly single home, a standalone home, just standing out in the world alone. Begging killers to just stop on by and kill whoever is inside 'til they are dead. Yep, kill em until they are dead, that's where we are right now.

Christmas Movies - Snowmageddon Edition

Sooooo while I thought my life was being held hostage by Cleon... Apparently life went on pretty much per usual. So while I am at home vacillating between cabin fever and going feral, everyone else was out goin to the gym and having lattes with abandon. HELLOOOO PEOPLE, it's a damn ice storm. My office was closed. I can still go out and do stuff? Did I miss the memo? We aren't going to die?

Cold In Dallas, PT II

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGG

ARE YOU F*CKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW??!!!

Soooo work let us out early, I had some tasks delay me leaving right away, and then it took about an hour to get home. And people tried to kill me at least 11 times. And I saw 1 wreck. Uhhh there was a bit of cold rain, some said sleet, but seriously the roads were totally fine. People are ridiculous. And stupid. Driving 30mph on an open freeway is such a great idea?

Luckily I survived. I stocked up on cereal, peanut butter and beer. Let's do this. 

Cold In Texas

Uhhh so it is cold in Texas. Yesterday was 80 degrees, no lie. Today is in the 30s. Real talk. As you can imagine, this sends most Texans into a TIZZY!! The grocery stores are wipes out, I couldn't even find broccoli last night. I did snag the last celery. I mean, I was just gro sto shoppin on a Wednesday but apparently some doomsday memo went out. What you gonna do with all that broccoli with no power in the ice?? I would also like to warn any Texas newbies that if there is even an ice cube on the road, there will be 6 car wrecks. 

Homo You Didn't

Yes, I did! Got my twitter @HomoTexan got my Instagram @Homo_Texan all set up. And a legit URL www.homotexan.com !!

GNARLY HOMELESS DUDES

Why. Why on Earth do you have that much stuff? Like huge backpacks, massive baby strollers, mega-trash bags FULL OF STUFF!! I think one of the perks of homelessness would be No Owned Shit. You have just brazenly disregarded one of the principle tenets of being homeless. If you loved stuff that much, maybe you should have a home to put it all? No? Even more messed up is when some dude who is LOADED DOWN is tryin to shake me down for change. Don't you have enough???? Sheesh. I should start a workshop called "Declutter and Minimize Your Homeless Lifestyle". Can I claim that as volunteer work on my taxes?

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Just saw my boo (and my new boo) Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. Rawr. Behave. Ummm so of course I decided to lunch at the hare krishna temple that day resulting in the WORST case of "temple butt" I have ever experienced. Temple butt is gas. Horrific, unending gas.

NEW LIFE

Gearing up for the new year 2014 and and and and finally marking another thing off the list... blogging... maybe you will enjoy, maybe you will loathe... either way, TELL SOMEONE YOU KNOW ABOUT ME. Yep, it's gonna be like that. Adios, 2013, adios.