Why is dating so difficult? Why am I so bad at it? A couple of girl friends from work and I were just discussing this subject. On one hand it makes me feel better that I am not the only one, on the other it makes me sad to hear about others struggling.
I turn 35 this year and have never had an actual boyfriend. I have dated a coupla guys but very casually. And usually ends with them letting me know that they weren't really that into me. Which could be a last ditch effort to make me feel bad, or it could be the actual truth. Who the hell knows. Either way, suffice to say I feel very lacking in this department. I have tried, I have not-tried. I have looked then not-looked. It honestly seems pretty hopeless. My friends are probably sick of the subject. I don't really bring it up on purpose, but inevitably it comes up in conversation. A person's dating life or relationship is pretty integral to many facets of adult life and when you have zero going on there, it is a bit awkward.
Generally, I try to avoid the topic as much as possible. Most of the people I associate with know that I am gay, most all of then know that I am single. I am always really honest about things and believe this works against me. Haha weird, huh? Get used to it. Even in a city as big and gay as Dallas, it is so hard to meet good guys. Even harder to meet a good guy that half of your friends haven't hooked up with (ok ok or dated). We all know there are friendship lines that should't be crossed, I don't really have the same "type" as my friends, plus they are all hotter (just a fact) than I am. So this isn't really something I have to worry about (crossing enemy lines).
People often try and figure it out, apparently I am decent-looking, good personality (which I kinda think is code for "ugly" but whatevs), I have a job (which is more than I can say for some of my friends' dating choices), and I rock a pretty impressive beard (head on over to the BEARDS post for more of that haha). The advice given by others is sweet but laughable. "Maybe you are trying too hard?" Oh, were you on the date? Can you tell me when it turned south? "Maybe you seem too desperate?" Really? By answering the phone and agreeing to a meeting time/place, I am now desperate? "Maybe you misunderstood and he wasn't into you?" That is fair, except he kept saying how "into me" he was and wanted to make plans for a next date. Then he disappeared. Completely.
Which brings me to my next point, lying liars and the lies they tell. If I meet someone for a date and I feel like there is no romantic connection (you know when a date is bad), I definitely don't say "Oh that was great, let's get together again soon!!!!", how shitty would that be? I either don't mention it or I say something to the effect of "You seem like a nice guy, but this isn't really a match for me." Polite but to the point. I find that I have these great dates (you know when a date is good) where we share jokes/laughs, common interests, discuss doing something specific in the future, etc. Look, I am not trying to be married in 3 days, if we have a good date and discuss future plans, I will follow up on that in a few days. Is that crazy? Must be as these guys disappear and never reply.
Once, I had a guy come up to me at a bar, strike up a conversation and we traded numbers. I thought "Wow, how cool!" and we made plans for a date. We went out to dinner and started talking about books (see book club post). Apparently he was an avid reader also, fantastic! We go back to his place (nothin dirty) and talk for hours about books, he even gathers up 2 or 3 saying that i need to read these, etc. I even made a joke that lending out books for someone like us was heavy because it meant we had to see each other again. He laughed and agreed with something along the lines of "Oh I don't see THAT being a problem." Guess what, I still have those books today. That was 3 or 4 years ago. No lie. We talked a little after that "great" date but he never would make plans again and eventually we just stopped even texting. A few months later, as a courtesy, I sent an email saying that I had his books and if he were in the same apt that I would just drop them at his door (he lived in an old building and I could leave them in the stairs). No answer. Ok, fine with me lol. Fast forward a coupla years and this guy spots me at a bar and beelines over and starts talking to me like no time has gone by and we just had the date. "Hey, read any good books lately? I just got that iPhone we were talking about, you were right about the apps." Am I insane? I looked at him like he had lost his mind, excused myself and found my friends. How does that even happen?
That story is 100% true, even as much as I wish it weren't. I have several others but who wants to hear them. Point being, either I am a legit psycho or guys are liars. And I am a guy!! And I still don't understand us! I have guys sweat me and sweat me to go out, then when I agree, they don't show up. How messed up are you?
At first, I thought it was them but now I have to wonder if it really is me. Did a gypsy put a curse on me as a baby? If so how the hell do I remove it?? I used to think that if I had a hot body or made more money that I could find love. As an adult, I see plenty of people who have nice bodies and lots of money and are single-non-stop just like me!
Which brings me to my last point, I sometimes think there are two types of people "daters" and "singles". Daters seem to never be single, in fact I have some friends who have literally never been single. Not for 3 minutes. How does that happen? I don't think (all of them) are cheating before they break up, are they THAT irresistible?? The market won't even let them be available for 24hrs? Even if it isn't immediate, a Dater will always be sad and then find a relationship before I can even feel bad for them. Then there are Singles. The sadsacks who can't make it past a couple dates with anyone. I see what appear to be happy, successful people who just can't seem to find anyone to be with. Are the Daters stealing all the good candidates? Can us Singles get some of that pie?
What do you think about dating? Have you been either the liar (why?) or the one who was lied to?
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