MEN OF SUBSTANCE

I have had some interesting discussions lately about meeting "Men Of Substance" or "MOS" for short (also can be used for "Man Of Substance"). As with most things, this entry will be based on perception, and the perception of the day is... MINE!


I was talking to my friend John the other day and he let me know that he was trying a new (Methodist) church. John is a dyed-in-the-wool Catholic, so I was interested in how and why he would go to a Methodist service. He let me know that it was always good to try new things, which I agree with. John tells me that the service he attended is basically like the gay bar as there are so many gay guys there, guys that he has seen out at the bars or at parties, etc and he was bound to meet a husband there. I was still confused and asked "So you are just randomly showing up to new services at other churches?" He then let me know that he went at the invitation of a formerly-mutual-friend whom I no longer have contact with. When John told me, I didn't engage in any sort of discussion about that person, I just moved on. To be honest, I don't care who he hangs out with as long as it doesn't affect our friendship.

Fast forward to the Trinity Groves Fail night and we all ended up out at the gay bars. Jose was on a social app that we use for meeting, previously referred to as Gruff (ONLINE PROFILES) and before I blocked him, I saw his profile said that he was deleting the app soon. I block all of my friends on these apps, let's face it there is a limited amount of bandwidth real estate and y'all can just text me. I called Jose out on it, if you want to delete, just delete. Saying it in your profile looks like you are trying to cram in some last minute chats or get some attention. Later on I see him at the bars on another app (Spicer) and again call him out. I call my friends out, there, you heard it here first. They call me out too, trust. John then goes into telling Jose how Jose should join John at church because he will meet MOS there as opposed to anyone on the apps or in a bar. I make an observation that considering the fact of whom John is attending with (see above, obviously I have my own opinion on this person) and that he already told us that the guys are all people he has seen at the gay bars, I don't think anyone can make a blanket statement about the church being full of MOS to the exclusion of other environments. John and I love to fight with each other, we get into fights about most anything. It is one of the things that lets me know he is a real friend and not some sycophant yes-man. John is insistent that the men one meets at church are of a much higher caliber and have substance, I disagree with that notion as an absolute. I pointed out that I am a person of substance and I am in a bar (which is where we were having this conversation, hello). I don't necessarily think that environment negates substance, in fact I think that is a really close-minded way of thinking. I don't think that you can carelessly sin all week and then just go to church on Sunday and magically be a stellar human being ready to commit to a relationship. It isn't that simple.

Then today (a Sunday) on group text, the subject of MOS and church came up again. I still maintain that you can meet good people and bad people anywhere. The argument from the other side is that the likelihood of meeting a MOS in church is greater than anywhere else. I'm sort of offended by that notion, especially since the church, much like a bar, doesn't have any sort of testing standard or admissions process other than just showing up. I made this analogy: You can potentially buy a bad rotten apple at Whole Foods (an expensive high-end grocery store known for top produce) just like you could buy a bad apple at Kroger or Tom Thumb (an average grocery store with average produce) but the bad apple from Whole Foods will have a MUCH greater disappointment, whereas getting a good apple at either place will taste the same. Basically, you can meet a dickhead at church or the bar, but if you meet a dickhead at church it will hurt a lot worse. I also happen to think that you should be going to church for yourself not to meet a man, even a MOS, but that is an entirely different discussion. Steven pointed out that it is the act of doing something to better yourself which gives that higher degree of substance and that "something" doesn't necessarily have to be church. That is something I can agree with as a generality. I maintain that you should judge the person on their character, which requires getting to know said person, rather than thinking some guys are automatically better than others based on where you meet. We discussed this while on the treadmills at the gym, which normally I am against but no one was around us to be bothered. At least I hope no one was bothered...

As you may have seen from previous posts, I obviously don't know where to meet any man, much less a MOS. I am open to the notion that if you are interested in meeting guys for the purpose of dating, you should diversify your intake. Am I saying that I would never go to church? No. Everyone has different views on church. My beliefs in God and/or Jesus Christ are solid and I don't feel the need to worship in public regularly. To anyone out there, what would you choose as a good place to meet MOS? Am I wrong for refuting a blanket statement about guys in church? Does meeting a man online or in a bar set a subpar standard for that man's quality?