The gym is like this bizarre microcosm of society. I have my own weird ways of behaving but that is another story. As I am an experienced observer, I see a lot.
The biggest thing that I notice is that most people have no idea what is happening in the world around them.
If I see someone overweight, I think "good for you" and get back to looking at the hot guys, SUPER hot girls or the f'd up weirdos. Yes, girls. I don't want to lick an oil painting, but I sure as fuck can appreciate looking at a good one.
The thing about overweight people being nervous about the gym because people will look at them is a myth. Trust me, no one cares. Just get your fat ass in there and see for yourself. I think hot people have it way worse. Think about it this way, the gym is supposed to have hot people striving to maintain or increase hotness. By that measure, any fat people don't even rank (WHEW). So while these fools are judging each other for ONLY having a 6-pack and not an 8-pack (it's real), I cruise right on by and get my workout done judgment-free.
The guys who really piss me off are the RIPPED dudes who don't even do anything but talk a lot and carry around gallon jugs of water. Really? An entire gallon? Are you suffering from extreme dehydration? No, you are just a tool. And how is it I actually lift weights and do cardio, but you are hard as a rock all over??
While I'm at it, here are some other things that bug me...
Board shorts? This ain't a pool, much less a beach.
Flip flops? I can't. Flip flops AND socks? Game over.
Plain white undershirt tank top? You are not that hard. Trust me.
No underwear? Dickstracting. Dicksappointing when I look up and see that beat up face.
Old guy / fat guy in baselayer leggings. Leggings? Really? Or worse, spandex shorts. You know you are a dude, right? And people can see you? At some point do you just say "Fk-it, I hope people turn to stone when they look upon me", because that is some Medusa-ass shit right there. Where the hell is the gym staff to regulate on this. My eyes!! MY EYEEEESSS!!!!
HUGE GYM BAG, carried to every station possible. I fkng hate you. Your 18-wheeler version of a gym bag is obtrusive, totally unecessary and inevitably blocking my path of movement. Please PLEASE please prove me wrong and pull something you actually need out of there, like an iron lung. Or perhaps an entire battlefield surgical unit. Otherwise, you are just an asshole with a really big bag. And if you even think of dropping that on me or any of my shit, I will kick it out of the way and look you square in the eye while doing it. Say something, I dare you.
Chicken legs. You can bench 7,624 lbs but you have never done a squat or leg press in your life. Everyone wonders how your legs don't snap trying to carry your brick shithouse upper body around.
Cologne guy. Did the bottle break when you were holding it? Did the nozzle malfunction and spray the entire contents of the bottle on you? Are you just back from an Australian walkabout and have't showered in 3 mos and you thought cologne would help cover the smell? Here's a news flash: that shit reeks. Your cheapass cologne physically assaults my senses. A simple shower and deoderant would suffice. The only thing worse than this guy is his arch-nemesis... Perfume Girl. Keep pumping the air full of that $2 stripper spray from CVS, I'm sure dudes love talking to a girl that smells like a urinal sanitizer.
The Talker. Did you come to exercise your mouth or your body? I see a couple of these usual suspects daily. Always leaned up on the machine I really want to use so that I can get the fuck out of there. Apparently The Talker's get-the-fuck-outta-there is broken because in the hour and half I have been working out, they have only stopped talking long enough to drink some water. The best is when The Talker either runs out of conversation or the trapped audience fakes an injury/illness to GTFOT and they desperately search the gym for someone, ANYONE, to make eye contact so they can go crank up another bullshit conversation. The worst is when two The Talkers latch onto each other. Shoot me.
The Texter. Who the hell are you texting??!! And why do you have to do that while sitting a machine?? "Resting" my ass, you are blocking valuable real estate.
To the average people at the gym who work hard and stay consistent, I salute you. The ones who rack weights, are respectful of everyone's space and don't try and showoff. You are the people who keep me going, the ones who make me suffer in silence because I see you pushing yourself. We never acknowledge each other, and frankly we don't have to change that. I see you and you inspire me.
When do you go to the gym? I get to mine at 4am. hardly anyone there. A few years ago, I was doing intermittent fasting and 25 minutes of HIIT cardio with as much weight lifting as I could (usually 30 minutes). Got down to about 12% body fat; lost about 15 lbs of fat in about 6 months. I've laxed big time but am starting it up again.
ReplyDeleteMay I suggest going as early as possible? I also find the earlier you go, the earlier to bed. Which also helps night eating and laying on the couch for hours at a time. But thats just me ;)
Alan- I typically go after work. Since I bike to work, I have to come home and change (can't carry my usual stuff and gym bag all over the Metroplex). GOING to the gym is not an issue for me. I have glandular problems. :)
DeleteAwesome!!! No need to go to the gym for my gossip updates! You are my eyes and ears in the gears!! Keep it coming
ReplyDeleteVeronica - Girl, you know it!!
DeleteI agree with about everything you say... except maybe "The Texter". Some are just big geeks and are using their phones to track their workouts :)
ReplyDeleteGlen- I'm not talkin about a look-then-set situation... this is full-on novel texting. LOL I usually stand reeeeaaalllly close and cough until they move.
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